You may or may not realize why I've done what I've done. After talking to you (or attempting to anyway) countless times with no response, I had to resort to the "Actions speak louder than words" approach. The fact of the matter is you've lied, have been ly to me and you used me. I got tired of it. I feel as though you played on my feelings for you and you used them against me. After I've expressed to you three times how I felt about you with no response, it took this long for me to open my eyes and accept what was happening. I went through three stages with you. "Why don't you love me?" "Why won't you love me?" and finally "Love and War" except it was only war. I was fighting a battle inside of myself. Instead of being my general and protecting this place (my heart) you were my enemy, and I'm throwing grenades.

I was allowing myself to become depressed, and stressed. I would ask myself why you didn't care about me the way I did you? Countless times I have asked, begged and pleaded with you to be open and honest with me. I've told you that I didn't mind helping you only if you were honest with me. If you didn't want me or didn't want to be with me like that, just let me know upfront. I would've still helped you, just let me know so that I can know how to approach the situation and not get my feelings into it. You remained silent, so I took that as the green light, when in reality, I should've pumped the brakes then. You don't realize how badly I've allowed you to affect me. I became even more distant, even more sad, more angry, not speaking to anyone or doing anything. I woke up with and continued to have headaches daily due to the stress from you. I was grinding my teeth in my sleep, and also while awake subconsciously due to the stress. My blood pressure was rising after I've finally gotten it under control. You were killing me. YOU WERE KILLING ME and could care less. Why? Because you never took time out to see about me. Ask about me. TALK TO ME. You could talk to others just fine, but when it came to me. (_______________) silence.

However, I can't fault you for it. I can't even fault you for using me. I fave you the ammunition against me from the start when I explained how I am towards people that I like. I believe that you took that information and ran with it. I knew it and saw it from the beginning, but then CHOSE to turn a blind eye to it. I took all that I could. I really did. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them. When you would be gone for hours and then overnight in MY  car and give me bullshit excuses that I swallowed because something in me wanted to believe you; NEEDED to believe you. What upset me the most is when I got you a car. and you took someone else to the movies the next day. You and I didn't even get a chance to enjoy it TOGETHER. Not only that but you went out with someone else. The icing on that particular cake was when you were gone that ENTIRE night, and come to find out that you went to the fucking Holiday Inn. You can say whatever you want, but I believe you were there. You were there. I specifically asked you where were you and you claimed you were with your grandmother. Bullshit. I asked you if you helped out friends or a family member. You said no. Then when I asked about you being at a hotel, you all of a sudden had an epiphany and remembered that you took your "aunt" who was stranded to a hotel. Doesn't she have her own place? if it was something as simple as her car being broken down, you could've taken her home. So that was a lie that really made me (forcibly) take the blinders off. That's also when things really started happening to me and I stressed even more when you were out. If I didn't hear from you, or you weren't "home" I got to wondering where were you, who were you with, and what y'all were doing. This stressed me out to the point to where I would have fucking panic attacks. You never knew that because I stopped bothering to talk to you because you didn't care. At least that was the impression I got from you. 



You told me that if you didn't like me, you wouldn't be here. You only told me that after I had gotten upset with you before, and you told me that so that the peace would be kept, and you could continue to stay there. You said that you would be at your mama's or granny's or anywhere else. Well hell it became very obvious that you didn't like me since November 16, 2012 when I got you that 2012 Maroon Nissan Maxima because you were NEVER here! You would come in from work, change and be out the door in less than three minutes. At least you did think of me enough to bring me dinner, and I do appreciate that. However, you never wanted to hang with me, or invite me anywhere. The only time you did was last weekend when you half-assed invited me to a step show and just told me that it was somewhere in Grand Prarie. You didn't give a definite address and come to find out that it was in Rowlette. I was tired then. That's why I started sending you directly to voicemail. You didn't want to do things together or be with me. So I was halfway accepting that. What really REALLY cemented my decision to sever ties with you was when I found an empty condom wrapper in the trash. You then tried to hide it by placing more trash on top. Then I found a condom under the pillow, that I purposely left on the floor. The nail in the proverbial coffin was the condom I saw on the driver's side door under the water bottle in the car that I got you yesterday. It was the same brand of condom that was in the trash. Now I had had enough, and I was fed up. It was clear that not only did you disregard my feelings but you (figuratively because it sure as hell wasn't literally) said "Fuck DeMarcus." 

That's also something that amazes me. You've never touched me. You've never kissed me. You've never shared my bed. I didn't always want sex from you. Sometimes I just wanted to lie next to you. All I wanted was just to feel the warmth of your body next to mine, and to listen to your heartbeat. You robbed me of that. You've only hugged me twice and hell I had to initiate that. But yet and still you can give your body to someone who hasn't done nearly 1/16th of the things that I've done. I gave you a roof, free of charge I might add, I've given you money, a brand new car, and my heart even though you rejected the latter. 

Today in your post, you say that you've learned a lot from this. I certainly hope you did. I really and truly do. I told you before that I hope you learn to be honest and upfront with people. I pray for that for you now more than ever. If you just would've been honest and upfront, we wouldn't be where we are. I told you that I am a big boy and I can handle honesty. Unfortunately, you werern't man enough to give it to me. Instead you chose to lie and manipulate a situation and look how that ended up. It could be a lot worse, so please be thankful that I didn't fully continue with my original plan, but you did have to go.
Since you left, it did feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I don't feel that stress that I used to. I won't have to pull up to my house, not see the car and feel that depression or another panic attack coming on.


You can't come back. The locks have been changed.... 

So in answer to your post from this morning, yes, for me, it is the right thing to do. God bless you also, may he have mercy on you and convict you to do right by people. Please don't think that I'm bitter or hold any ill will. I no longer do. Please have yourself a wonderful life.


DeMarcus TraVonte Moore