You know, I think that we seriously have a problem. There is an extreme shortage of good men out there. It seems as though all the ones that I've encountered aren't about shit. They don't do shit, ain't got shit, and don't wanna be shit. I meet guys who either don't have a job, their own place, or a car and hell in some cases all of the above, and they are perfectly fine with it. Seriously, like what the fuck? I happened to be out with my friend, Tiffany and her niece Vinesha. Vinesha is like 15 or 16 or whatever the hell, and she mentions that she is going out on a date. I thought that this was cute, so I started asking questions, such as "What will you all be doing? Where is he taking you? How are y'all getting there?" etc. and I was just a tad bit taken aback. The young man, who is also sixteen will be picking her up in his car, and taking her to dinner and a movie. It took a minute for this shit to kick in. Okay. This dude, who is in school and also working, has a car, and will be taking her out to dinner and a movie. I was impressed and jealous. Not only are this young man's parents doing something right to where he knows that if he wants to do something that he will have to work for it, but he is actually doing it! I was jealous, shit. Here this kid is at 16 working, has his own car (how he got it, I'm unaware, but at least he's rolling) and can afford to take the both of them out. Whenever I'm on a date, I have to go get them (because they have no car) pay for dinner (because they have no job) and then come back to my place if I decide to (because they don't have one of their own).
Most of the times, the guys are my age or OLDER. And you still don't have it together??? What the hell? Why do I seem to find the scrubs? Where are the guys that are holding themselves down and not have to depend on someone else, or want to be taken care of? I seem to meet nothing but guys that expect me to do for them, and don't want to do for themselves. They just want the world given to them, and after my last encounter, I refuse to do that. I wonder what happened to the caliber and breed of men. They have become sorry ass lazy motherfuckers that have lost their drive and determination. I could never just sit at someone's house and wait for someone to give me money or take me places. I couldn't see me not doing for myself. Why would you want to be that person? Why would you want someone that is that person?
Where the hell are the real men? Those who go to work and take care of themselves. Men, who not only have something to bring to the table, but who HAS a table? Where are y'all? I need one of you. This shit out here.... I don't know. I think I'm almost done with this dating thing if this is all that people have to offer. I'm almost thirty and getting tired... fuck...
Til' next time.
Let's talk about it...
Daily thoughts and feelings
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
The Right Thing to Do (Closure)
You may or may not realize why I've done what I've done. After talking to you (or attempting to anyway) countless times with no response, I had to resort to the "Actions speak louder than words" approach. The fact of the matter is you've lied, have been ly to me and you used me. I got tired of it. I feel as though you played on my feelings for you and you used them against me. After I've expressed to you three times how I felt about you with no response, it took this long for me to open my eyes and accept what was happening. I went through three stages with you. "Why don't you love me?" "Why won't you love me?" and finally "Love and War" except it was only war. I was fighting a battle inside of myself. Instead of being my general and protecting this place (my heart) you were my enemy, and I'm throwing grenades.
I was allowing myself to become depressed, and stressed. I would ask myself why you didn't care about me the way I did you? Countless times I have asked, begged and pleaded with you to be open and honest with me. I've told you that I didn't mind helping you only if you were honest with me. If you didn't want me or didn't want to be with me like that, just let me know upfront. I would've still helped you, just let me know so that I can know how to approach the situation and not get my feelings into it. You remained silent, so I took that as the green light, when in reality, I should've pumped the brakes then. You don't realize how badly I've allowed you to affect me. I became even more distant, even more sad, more angry, not speaking to anyone or doing anything. I woke up with and continued to have headaches daily due to the stress from you. I was grinding my teeth in my sleep, and also while awake subconsciously due to the stress. My blood pressure was rising after I've finally gotten it under control. You were killing me. YOU WERE KILLING ME and could care less. Why? Because you never took time out to see about me. Ask about me. TALK TO ME. You could talk to others just fine, but when it came to me. (_______________) silence.
However, I can't fault you for it. I can't even fault you for using me. I fave you the ammunition against me from the start when I explained how I am towards people that I like. I believe that you took that information and ran with it. I knew it and saw it from the beginning, but then CHOSE to turn a blind eye to it. I took all that I could. I really did. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them. When you would be gone for hours and then overnight in MY car and give me bullshit excuses that I swallowed because something in me wanted to believe you; NEEDED to believe you. What upset me the most is when I got you a car. and you took someone else to the movies the next day. You and I didn't even get a chance to enjoy it TOGETHER. Not only that but you went out with someone else. The icing on that particular cake was when you were gone that ENTIRE night, and come to find out that you went to the fucking Holiday Inn. You can say whatever you want, but I believe you were there. You were there. I specifically asked you where were you and you claimed you were with your grandmother. Bullshit. I asked you if you helped out friends or a family member. You said no. Then when I asked about you being at a hotel, you all of a sudden had an epiphany and remembered that you took your "aunt" who was stranded to a hotel. Doesn't she have her own place? if it was something as simple as her car being broken down, you could've taken her home. So that was a lie that really made me (forcibly) take the blinders off. That's also when things really started happening to me and I stressed even more when you were out. If I didn't hear from you, or you weren't "home" I got to wondering where were you, who were you with, and what y'all were doing. This stressed me out to the point to where I would have fucking panic attacks. You never knew that because I stopped bothering to talk to you because you didn't care. At least that was the impression I got from you.
You told me that if you didn't like me, you wouldn't be here. You only told me that after I had gotten upset with you before, and you told me that so that the peace would be kept, and you could continue to stay there. You said that you would be at your mama's or granny's or anywhere else. Well hell it became very obvious that you didn't like me since November 16, 2012 when I got you that 2012 Maroon Nissan Maxima because you were NEVER here! You would come in from work, change and be out the door in less than three minutes. At least you did think of me enough to bring me dinner, and I do appreciate that. However, you never wanted to hang with me, or invite me anywhere. The only time you did was last weekend when you half-assed invited me to a step show and just told me that it was somewhere in Grand Prarie. You didn't give a definite address and come to find out that it was in Rowlette. I was tired then. That's why I started sending you directly to voicemail. You didn't want to do things together or be with me. So I was halfway accepting that. What really REALLY cemented my decision to sever ties with you was when I found an empty condom wrapper in the trash. You then tried to hide it by placing more trash on top. Then I found a condom under the pillow, that I purposely left on the floor. The nail in the proverbial coffin was the condom I saw on the driver's side door under the water bottle in the car that I got you yesterday. It was the same brand of condom that was in the trash. Now I had had enough, and I was fed up. It was clear that not only did you disregard my feelings but you (figuratively because it sure as hell wasn't literally) said "Fuck DeMarcus."
That's also something that amazes me. You've never touched me. You've never kissed me. You've never shared my bed. I didn't always want sex from you. Sometimes I just wanted to lie next to you. All I wanted was just to feel the warmth of your body next to mine, and to listen to your heartbeat. You robbed me of that. You've only hugged me twice and hell I had to initiate that. But yet and still you can give your body to someone who hasn't done nearly 1/16th of the things that I've done. I gave you a roof, free of charge I might add, I've given you money, a brand new car, and my heart even though you rejected the latter.
Today in your post, you say that you've learned a lot from this. I certainly hope you did. I really and truly do. I told you before that I hope you learn to be honest and upfront with people. I pray for that for you now more than ever. If you just would've been honest and upfront, we wouldn't be where we are. I told you that I am a big boy and I can handle honesty. Unfortunately, you werern't man enough to give it to me. Instead you chose to lie and manipulate a situation and look how that ended up. It could be a lot worse, so please be thankful that I didn't fully continue with my original plan, but you did have to go.
Since you left, it did feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I don't feel that stress that I used to. I won't have to pull up to my house, not see the car and feel that depression or another panic attack coming on.
You can't come back. The locks have been changed....
So in answer to your post from this morning, yes, for me, it is the right thing to do. God bless you also, may he have mercy on you and convict you to do right by people. Please don't think that I'm bitter or hold any ill will. I no longer do. Please have yourself a wonderful life.
DeMarcus TraVonte Moore
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Back At Square One
Well, it seems as though I am back at square one. Today was a determining factor for me. I feel that if you really care for someone like you say, then your actions would reflect that. Correct?
My actions more than prove that I cared for him. I've allowed him to live with me rent free. I've also gotten him a phone under my plan as well as a car through my job. One would think that he would want to celebrate him getting a car with me. Instead, he was off in the wind. Also, if you cared about someone and wanted to know more about them, wouldn't you want to spend as much time with them as possible? Not only did he leave Friday and not come hack until Saturday, but he went to the movies with someone else and also went to the Holiday Inn and spent the night. He came up with some lie like he always does, and expects for me to just believe it.
I started to just turn a blind eye to the situation and just continue on but today was the straw that broke the camel's back. I left for Indiana to visit my family for Thanksgiving. I texted him and told him that I was leaving. I made it, but I didn't receive a call or text to see if I made it or if I was alive (considering that I've fallen asleep three times behind the wheel on the way and almost crashed) or anything. That proves to me something that I've been turning a blind eye to from the very beginning.
I do however, feel as though I'm in a better place. I'm no longer feeling hurt or sad or any of that over the realization of the truth. When I get home it is what it is. He has one time to miss the car note and I take it away. Not a fuck will be given. I will treat him like a roommate. I used to do nice things for him, to no avail. He doesn't appreciate it, so why bother. I feel as though I'm happy by myself. I mean yes I may get lonely but I will be ok.
I'm back to square one and I am fine with it. All's right with this world. I will spend some much needed time by myself and then focus my time and attention on someone that is more deserving of it. But, I'm no longer rushing it. It will happen when it happens and I will patiently wait. :-)
Until next time...
My actions more than prove that I cared for him. I've allowed him to live with me rent free. I've also gotten him a phone under my plan as well as a car through my job. One would think that he would want to celebrate him getting a car with me. Instead, he was off in the wind. Also, if you cared about someone and wanted to know more about them, wouldn't you want to spend as much time with them as possible? Not only did he leave Friday and not come hack until Saturday, but he went to the movies with someone else and also went to the Holiday Inn and spent the night. He came up with some lie like he always does, and expects for me to just believe it.
I started to just turn a blind eye to the situation and just continue on but today was the straw that broke the camel's back. I left for Indiana to visit my family for Thanksgiving. I texted him and told him that I was leaving. I made it, but I didn't receive a call or text to see if I made it or if I was alive (considering that I've fallen asleep three times behind the wheel on the way and almost crashed) or anything. That proves to me something that I've been turning a blind eye to from the very beginning.
I do however, feel as though I'm in a better place. I'm no longer feeling hurt or sad or any of that over the realization of the truth. When I get home it is what it is. He has one time to miss the car note and I take it away. Not a fuck will be given. I will treat him like a roommate. I used to do nice things for him, to no avail. He doesn't appreciate it, so why bother. I feel as though I'm happy by myself. I mean yes I may get lonely but I will be ok.
I'm back to square one and I am fine with it. All's right with this world. I will spend some much needed time by myself and then focus my time and attention on someone that is more deserving of it. But, I'm no longer rushing it. It will happen when it happens and I will patiently wait. :-)
Until next time...
Sunday, November 4, 2012
It Is What It Is
Love is love... However, it is something that I fear will escape me for the rest of my life. It is what it is. I just know that I am severely tired of being by myself. I'm tired of being alone, and I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of offering myself to you just to be met with silence. To be treated like I don't matter. At times, I really wish I'd never met you. I wish I never saw you. I wish you never messaged me. I wish I never knew you. I just really want someone that will love me, and I him. I want you, but I really feel that you are playing me and being with other men. Like I say, it is what it is. Every day it's like a knife digging deeper into my heart.
I don't know what I need to do to get over you. I don't know why I allow myself to be tortured and manipulated by you. All I do is keep silent. I keep silent and watch you go do whatever and die a little inside each and every single day. These are the things that I want to tell you. These are the deepest feelings that I hide. I hide them partly because I'm afraid that if I were to tell you, then I would really come to the truthful realization that you don't love me. That you never have loved me and that you never will love me. That you are here for one thing just like all the others. That is just to take what you want, get what you need and leave me here to pick up the shattered pieces of the broken dreams that weren't fixed the last time.
I swear I wish I could cry. If I could, then maybe I could deal with this a lot more easier. Maybe I could get a better handle on this, at least in my mind.I'm going to do something that I should have done a long time ago. I'm just going to pray and leave it alone. I will pray that all the hurt ends, that the pain ceases, that the using stops and that I find someone that will love and cherish me and I him. I also pray that I will allow that to happen. I hope and pray that I don't push away a good man because of the bullshit that I'm going through with you, men like you, and all the other men that put me through bullshit. I can only imagine what time you're coming in tonight. I don't even care anymore. Fuck it. It is what it t.i. is...
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Let the Sky Fall
It seems as though now, I've hit a low. Like the opening line of the Title track to this blog "This is the end."
I've decided to give up. We all have our fates and destinies and I think that I've found mine. Albeit not the most pleasurable of destinations to come to in life, but it is my life's work and I must face it. I'm meant to be the stepping stone of the world. I've been placed here to be used by others for them to attain their goals, achievements and successes and share those things with people other than myself.
It is something that I've been denying for the longest; telling myself that it isn't true, that there are some genuine people out there. I know better now. It's cool. I mean just like the soothsayer Cassandra, it is my fate. I accept it. So this is the end of hoping, wishing, thinking and praying that my life has anymore meaning other than how I can placate and further others while being eternally benched on the sideline of life.
I'm preparing myself for a life of solitude. It is how I want it now. People are a disappointment. Only thing it seems as though they are good for is using you to get what they want and need and then moving on. Seeing as how I'm not one to hop on that particular bandwagon (simply because it is not within me to do so,) where does that leave me? I don't even think that I should use SKYFALL for this particular post. If you listen to the song, I pretty much think its about empowerment, which is what I am truly lacking at this time.
"Let the sky fall/When it crumbles/We will stand tall/Face it all together/Let the sky fall/When it crumbles/We will stand tall/Face it all together at sky fall."
Standing tall is not something that I'm doing at this time. Huh, Standing tall is not something I see myself doing at all... I take that back. I do see myself standing tall. So it is aptly named. I see myself standing tall.... ALONE... isolated. Not as I want it, but as it needs to be. When you're alone, no one can hurt you. No one can use you or mistreat you. So yes, let the sky fall, when it crumbles, I will stand tall face it all at sky fall.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
When is enough, enough?
When is enough, enough? At what point do you finally get tired of playing the role of the dumbass? I ask this question because I'm being a dumbass, realizing it, and have continued to be as such. I allow myself to be lied to, used, and manipulated just for the simple sake of having someone around. I realize what's going on, and for the most part, I put it towards the back of my mind because the person that I want to be with is around. I finally came to the realization that if this person really cared for me like they state, then the things that they do would reflect that. I'm a big believer that actions speak louder than words, and right now, he's being very quiet, aside of the blatant disrespect of course.
As you may or may not know, I've been seeing a therapist because of my self esteem issues, and I believe that this is a factor of one. I don't believe that I am capable of achieving or having love in my life so I take whatever I can get. I allow myself to be used and abused because, hey... at least someone is around.
The thing about manipulators is they really know how to get you. They really know where you are your most vulnerable, and they play on that. There must be a special seat in hell reserved for those who prey on others raw emotions. If I've ever done so, I should really go back and apologize and atone for that sin.
Sometimes, I wonder if what I'm going through is penance for some bullshit I put someone else through. IDK... I just know that the shit sucks and that it is hurtful. But the reason why I am my most disgusted is because, this isn't the first time. It ain't my first time at the rodeo. I've had this shit happen to me before... I recognized it a long time ago, and still allowed myself to fall. I have no one to blame but myself. I realize this. However, I do plan on rectifying this situation. I've got to be stronger, and if that means living a life alone, then fuck, so be it. I'm tired of being played. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of putting my all out there and into people just to allow them to fuck me over and shit on me. I feel that I am a good person, and I have too many good qualities to offer to be treated the way that I allow people to treat me.
I will say this, I relinquish my role of the dumbass. I can pass that title on to the next dumb bitch. It is a role, that I will now retire from hence forth...
Until next time...
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Beautiful
As I lie here listening to India.Arie's song, "Beautiful", it makes me wonder, what do I want? I want to have someone with me. I want to do and be the things that this song reflects... I believe that it's only a place one can get to when they have that "perfect" love. Not meaning that it's perfect in the dictionary sense, but perfect for the ones involved.
I also have a question. Why do we adore those that ignore us, ignore the ones that adore us, and waste our time on people that could care less? I'm semi in that situation. There are two people that I care for. Kindron and Lawrence. I'm more interested in Kindron, who of course could care less. Lawrence is more interested in me, and I admit that I like him as well, but I really like Kindron more. I expressed everything to Kindron last night, and asked him today if he remembered, and heard. He stated he did. I asked him about it, and he said that he's still thinking on it.
In my mind, I'm like thinking on what? It should be a no brainer. Either you want to see what a relationship between the two of us could be like, or you don't. Today at lunch, I was discussing the matter with my coworker Mayra, and then came to the decision that I will focus more of my attention on Lawrence, seeing as how he is interested, and showing me attention, whereas Kindron is not. I still know myself. Kindron is who I want. I know that if I enter a relationship with Lawrence and Kindron says he's ready, I will drop Lawrence immediately and be with Kindron.
The other day, I was thinking, "What is it about Kindron that makes me so damned interested? Why do I like him?" I couldn't come up with an answer. It's not his goals, not his personality really. I do believe that he's attractive, but that isn't a reason. I really didn't know what it was about him at the time.
I believe now I have some insight. I believe that I know why we do the things that we do for those that could care less. I know why we hurt others, step on them and totally disregard their feelings just to get to those that treat us the way they do. We like the thrill of the chase. We like challenge, and some of us are just gluttons for punishment.
As much as I believe that I care for Kindron, as much as I want Kindron, I'm going to focus my attention on Lawrence. It's time for me to recognize those who can appreciate good people. Who knows... maybe Lawrence will be my passage into "Beautiful".
To those of you who have never heard this song, YouTube it. "Beautiful" by India.Arie. Take time to listen to the melody, then the words, then both together. It's amazing. It makes you want to go there. It makes you want to do anything to get there.
That's all for me tonight...
Until then.......
-Me
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Hypermasculinity....
I ran across this article a few weeks ago and I must say that I myself am guilty of this. I don't know if this is because secretly I hate myself and hate the fact that I love men, or if this is truly what I want. I do have sex with feminine men, (and it is GREAT! Better than sex with the masculine men) but I would only prefer to date masculine men. Oh well... read below. By the way, I did not write this article, and I take no credit at all for its publishing. All rights go to its original author: J.Williams
HYPERMASCULINITY: THE SEARCH FOR A ‘REAL MAN’
BY J. WILLIAMS
TUESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2012
Gay men, much like straight men, seem to have a laundry list of preferences. One of the most popular preferences that seem to be a common thread throughout most of the gay lifestyle is the one for a gay man to be masculine.The desire to have a hairy leg brush up against yours in bed or facial stubble graze your face during a lip lock should come as no surprise to men of the gay community – after all, we are men who love other men and most of the qualities associated with “manhood.” However, those physical traits can easily be found in any man within arm’s reach. While physical attraction does play a major role in the compatibility of two men, for some, so does a man’s ability to be a guy’s guy.
“Are you masc?”
If you are a member of any gay social network, this is a question you are probably all too familiar with. It’s a question with any given number of motives behind it. In certain cases, for example, a masculine inquirer may be prodding to find out how compatible you both are based on your ability to move as a unit in public and remain unidentifiable, on the surface, as a man who partakes in homosexuality. In circumstances where the public’s perception is less of a concern, the motive may be that said inquirer, being masculine himself, fully understands that his attraction to men is founded completely in their virility. On the other end of the spectrum, you have those who may be masculine or feminine, yet only prefer a man with a softer touch and ask the question in order to sift through those too “mannish” for their tastes.
While these examples scratch the surface, by no means do they even begin to eclipse the variety of combinations that exist in this community when it comes to the preference of a masculine/feminine partner. Somewhere in the middle lies a group of men, ranging from masculine to feminine or an emulsion of the two, who take it up a notch by overlooking the basic masculine standard. For these men, hypermasculinity is not only a preference but a required trait for any man to even be considered eligible for the courting process, going as far as to seek one who demands to be “the man” in the relationship and will “put them in their place” if need be. But…what place is that? And if he is “the man” in the relationship, then who are you?
This preference for the hypermasculine partner surely has its own psychological roots, as most preferences do. The reason this one is so alarming, however, is because of how eager the men who share it are to effortlessly relinquish the very essence of themselves, especially when gay men already deal with enough issues of self-identity in society. It can be perceived that in order to fulfill their erotic and/or romantic fantasies of being with a “real man,” they are willing to put their own masculinity on the back burner to accommodate the overabundance of another’s.
The bottom line is that we are all indeed men. This is a concept that still needs to be digested by some. Many gay men overlook this fact when using terms of endearment, like “bitch” and “girl,” or when making heated statements to others like, “I may be gay, but I’ll kick your ass like a man.” While it may seem like fun and games in small circles, this is what is being projected into society’s understanding of gay men as a whole during a time where understanding is crucial. If a gay man is looking to be “handled” or “dealt with” by a “real man,” what are we saying? Should we assume that he does not consider himself to be a man at all? Should society? The implications made by the urge for authority are telling enough.
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