When is enough, enough?

When is enough, enough? At what point do you finally get tired of playing the role of the dumbass? I ask this question because I'm being a dumbass, realizing it, and have continued  to be as such. I allow myself to be lied to, used, and manipulated just for the simple sake of having someone around. I realize what's going on, and for the most part, I put it towards the back of my mind because the person that I want to be with is around. I finally came to the realization that if this person really cared for me like they state, then the things that they do would reflect that. I'm a big believer that actions speak louder than words, and right now, he's being very quiet, aside of the blatant disrespect of course. 

As you may or may not know, I've been seeing a therapist because of my self esteem issues, and I believe that this is a factor of one. I don't believe that I am capable of achieving or having love in my life so I take whatever I can get. I allow myself to be used and abused because, hey... at least someone is around. 

The thing about manipulators is they really know how to get you. They really know where you are your most vulnerable, and they play on that. There must be a special seat in hell reserved for those who prey on others raw emotions. If I've ever done so, I should really go back and apologize and atone for that sin. 

Sometimes, I wonder if what I'm going through is penance for some bullshit I put someone else through. IDK... I just know that the shit sucks and that it is hurtful. But the reason why I am my most disgusted is because, this isn't the first time. It ain't my first time at the rodeo. I've had this shit happen to me before... I recognized it a long time ago, and still allowed myself to fall. I have no one to blame but myself. I realize this. However, I do plan on rectifying this situation. I've got to be stronger, and if that means living a life alone, then fuck, so be it. I'm tired of being played. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of putting my all out there and into people just to allow them to fuck me over and shit on me. I feel that I am a good person, and I have too many good qualities to offer to be treated the way that I allow people to treat me.

I will say this, I relinquish my role of the dumbass. I can pass that title on to the next dumb bitch. It is a role, that I will now retire from hence forth...

Until next time...