Back At Square One

Well, it seems as though I am back at square one. Today was a determining factor for me. I feel that if you really care for someone like you say, then your actions would reflect that. Correct?

My actions more than prove that I cared for him. I've allowed him to live with me rent free. I've also gotten him a phone under my plan as well as a car through my job. One would think that he would want to celebrate him getting a car with me. Instead, he was off in the wind. Also, if you cared about someone and wanted to know more about them, wouldn't you want to spend as much time with them as possible? Not only did he leave Friday and not come hack until Saturday,  but he went to the movies with someone else and also went to the Holiday Inn and spent the night. He came up with some lie like he always does, and expects for me to just believe it.

I started to just turn a blind eye to the situation and just continue on but today was the straw that broke the camel's back. I left for Indiana to visit my family for Thanksgiving. I texted him and told him that I was leaving. I made it, but I didn't receive a call or text to see if I made it or if I was alive (considering that I've fallen asleep three times behind the wheel on the way and almost crashed) or anything. That proves to me something that I've been turning a blind eye to from the very beginning.

I do however, feel as though I'm in a better place. I'm no longer feeling hurt or sad or any of that over the realization of the truth. When I get home it is what it is. He has one time to miss the car note and I take it away. Not a fuck will be given. I will treat him like a roommate. I used to do nice things for him, to no avail. He doesn't appreciate it, so why bother. I feel as though I'm happy by myself. I mean yes I may get lonely but I will be ok.

I'm back to square one and I am fine with it. All's right with this world. I will spend some much needed time by myself and then focus my time and attention on someone that is more deserving of it. But, I'm no longer rushing it. It will happen when it happens and I will patiently wait. :-)

Until next time...

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