Second Wind
Hey guys,
Well today is Wednesday, and I’m keeping with my personal
goals. I said that I will start back to doing my internet radio show on Sunday
nights at 5:00 p.m. CST (central standard time) The link if anyone wants to
start listening is www.blogtalkradio.com/mtmoore31
I also said that I will update the blog weekly on Wednesdays, so expect some
random and bullshit posts. I also said that I’ll be making YouTube videos
again. I used to have a lot and then deleted them all and just got out of the
mood of doing it. I think that I’m really trying to keep myself busy and
preoccupied with other things. Or maybe I’m just trying some low-key ways of
fulfilling something that has been lacking. Let me tell you about this dream I
had.
I dreamt that I was at work, and I was talking to my
supervisor (which is weird because I don’t talk to her like that.) Any way, I
had expressed to her that what I really wanted to do most in the whole world
was act. I've always wanted to be an actor. I transform when I’m on stage. The
thought of becoming someone different just thrilled me. When the lights come on
and I’m in character, something happens. I really want to be on Broadway. I
remember when the acting bug had bitten me. I was with my grandmother at the
old Sears Roebuck downtown (prior to them turning it into some lofts) and we
were in line. I remember I was young. Maybe like six or seven years old. I
doubt I was even that old. Well anyway, I had this girl’s attention. She was
younger than I was. I think that she was three. I started performing for her. I
was just acting out characters that I saw on Saturday morning cartoons. I think
Bugs Bunny was one. When I was done, she had kissed me on the nose. I knew then
acting was what I wanted to do. I enjoyed bringing entertainment to others. (This
might be why my personality is what it is) I did express what I wanted to do
much later on in life to my mom and step-dad, and they were less than
supportive of that, so I gave it up. If I had continued I could be on the big
and small screen as well as on stage—who knows? Back to the dream.
I told my supervisor that I really would love to do that,
but as of right now, I’m scared. I informed her that I have a great thing going
on here. I have a career that I love, I’m stable—what do I look like throwing
that all away on a whim of a dream; a dream that may not come true. She had no
sagely advice for me. She didn’t go with the whole “Follow your heart,” “Chase
your dream” routine. She simply listened and let me realize something on my
own. That I am standing in my own way. This is something that I realize.
I’m afraid to take
chances even though I advise everyone else to do just that. I am a believer
that you have one life to live, so live it up to the fullest. My problem: I
don’t take my own advice. I do have a fear. It’s one greater than a personal
one that I refuse to share, but that fear is failure. I am deathly afraid to
fail. Some say that failure is simply not trying. I may concede to that—may. I’m not quite sure yet. So maybe
with me blogging, doing the radio show, doing YouTube again, I might get some
recognition. I might not. Who knows? Maybe if a tape of me sucking dick leaks I
could be the next Kim Kardashian. I would just have to make sure that the dick
is attached to someone remotely famous. But that’s another story. Never mind,
anyway. I wonder when I will start taking my own advice. When will I just get
over the paralyzing fear of it might not, and think that it may be? I don’t
know.
Don’t be like me… thirty and attempting to catch my second
wind. Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. Go and find your dream and
then make it a reality. I plan on doing so, slowly—very slowly, but surely. J
Till then…
--Me
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